10 Years with Brandon
2014 is a year I would love to forget. In the span of 11 months, a relationship in which I was deeply invested ended, my cat, who came with me from Oklahoma, died suddenly, a good friend of mine lost his father, a classmate from high school passed away, and my youngest brother died by suicide. In a year of such intense and profound loss, I never expected to find love, much less the love of my life.
Sleeping in my youngest brother’s room, the same room where he made the ultimate decision, I saw his ghost on every wall and corner. My family had just celebrated our first Christmas without him there. Lucas loved Christmas, and his absence could be felt with the exchange of every gift, plate of food, belly laugh, and tear.
Laying in his room, unable to sleep, I needed a win. I needed to feel excited about something. I needed to discover some light at the end of this tunnel. Clumsily, I opened the OkCupid app on my phone. Months before, I created an account in hopes of rebounding from the heartbreak I experienced earlier in the year. Laying in the darkness, my hopes weren’t high, but something was telling me to try again.
For the life of me, I cannot remember who messaged who first, but I do remember looking at Brandon’s profile and being impressed. He aspired to become a doctor. He was from a big family. He loved travel and a great meal. He also had a great smile and was cute.
Laying in Lucas’ bed, Brandon and I messaged back and forth for hours. We made small talk and got to know each other. Before finally succumbing to sleep, we devised a plan to see each other when I got back to Seattle.
On January 2nd, 2015, I went on my first date with Brandon. He arrived at my apartment in the Alki Beach neighborhood of Seattle with a text announcing his arrival. I anxiously walked down the stairs and greeted him on the porch. I was instantly impressed with the way he dressed. I will never forget the cute little bow tie he was wearing. He seemed quiet, and a little nervous. My mind spun with possibilities about what awaited me as our date began.
That night, we visited one of my favorite restaurants in the Capitol Hill neighborhood of Seattle. After that, we walked through a park, had a few drinks at a gay bar, and then decided to head back to my place (so scandalous)! Over the next few weeks, we would text constantly, get together as much as our busy schedules would allow, and spend countless hours getting to know each other.
For Valentine’s Day weekend, we planned to visit Cannon Beach on the Oregon coast. We rented a small apartment and spent the whole weekend together. After three magical days, on the drive back to Seattle, I knew I loved him. It would take a few more months for me to say it out loud (I didn’t want to scare him away), but I knew after a month together that this was the human being I wanted to spend the rest of my life getting to know.
Ten years later, I am still getting to know Brandon. Over the last decade, we finally said we loved each other out loud. We moved in together. We moved to Los Angeles and back to Seattle. We have traveled together. We have dreamed together. We have built a life together. We got engaged (stop asking about the wedding date).
Of all the things I have grown to love about my person, it is our time spent in conversation that I cherish most. When we are vulnerable, go deep into our pasts, or discuss our hopes for the future, these are moments for which I long. These moments can happen at any time or place. They can happen over Sunday dinner, long road trips, or lying in bed.
As a gay kid, son of immigrants with a mixed ethnic background, and someone who struggled with his weight. Brandon experienced his share of pain as a child and a teenager. Kids can be unbelievably cruel, and they were vicious to Brandon. Without any friends, he was bullied, assaulted, called horribly racist, homophonic, and xenophobic things. Things got so bad, Brandon took classes from home (before it became the norm) and graduated early.
I know I love Brandon, because I wish I could have shouldered that pain for him. I wish I could have been his friend when he needed one. I wish I could have silenced the bullies and all their cowardly threats, because the person who lays against me every night never deserved that pain. No one does. It also baffles me. Brandon is such a giving, kind, loving, and loyal friend. If those who treated him so harshly would have only taken a moment to know him, they may have found a friend who could have lasted a lifetime.
But Brandon rose above those who wished him ill. He has turned pain into rocket fuel. It made him kinder, more loving, and more giving to those who need a champion. I could not love the determination he possesses any more than I do.
And that’s one of those things no one ever tells you about love. When you choose to fall in love with someone, you choose to fall in love with the whole of them. You fall in love with the whole of their story. After 10 years, I love Brandon with my whole heart. I would give almost anything to see him happy, healthy, and flourishing. I hate that he didn’t love high school as I did, but I am so proud of him and the decisions he has made to rise with his head held high.
And now, we march together, writing our own story. In the next decade, there will be countless stories written of our story. There will be triumphs and setbacks. There will be more adventures, and there will be wedding bells (eventually) (seriously, stop asking). With every new page, my person, my best friend, should know that he will never have to carry the burdens of life alone again. I will always be there with a helping hand, ill-timed joke, and willingness to do all I can to make his heart skip a beat, such as mine did the first time we met.
Be good to each other,
Nathan
As a member of the factory, you are taking a stand for human powered creation.
