Four years ago, I chose to make myself very uncomfortable. I chose to radically change my life. Everything about me was stuck in neutral. The job was no longer fulfilling my deepest desires. My volunteer work was no longer challenging. My friends and I were constantly doing and going to the same places. To top it all off, I felt bored. I felt alone politically. My questioning of religion was treated like a new aged nuisance. My attractions and orientation felt like a weight on my chest. The reasons for moving to Seattle were numerous, but hidden in those things I felt was never a desire to run from my family.
Once upon a time, I would never have considered myself a "family guy." Now, don't get me wrong, family is of the utmost importance to me. I have always made every effort to be there for monumental moments: graduations, births, holidays, etc. With that said, seeing my family on a weekly basis has never been a need for me. So, when Oklahoma City began to feel like the antithesis of all that I am, it was easy to run.
Now, I am faced with a new decision; responsibility or my own ambition. I find myself missing my family more and more. I want deeper relationships with my nieces and nephews. I want to know my brothers and sister better. As my parents age and health becomes a bigger factor, I want them to know and feel my love. My challenge arises out of a simple truth; my family all live in a place that no longer represents who I am.
Here, I cannot help, but think that we are all meant to live by a golden rule of love. For those of us with a wandering heart, it is love and responsibility that finally settles our spirit? Are these things supposed to draw us home? I don't expect an answer here. I am really just throwing these things out to the universe for some guidance. Maybe, as I wrestle, I can be pointed in the right direction.
Thanks for entering my world,