My Back

The scariest thing about revealing who you are at your core is the fear of people not accepting you for all that you are. Your mind creates nightmare scenarios. You vividly picture the awful things people will say about you. You cannot help, but imagine violence, disappointment, anger, rage... All of it, because you revealed your true self. 

It is this fear that keeps people closeted. They sneak around, as if they have some addiction to feed. This dishonesty does nothing, but contribute to the shame. It is a cycle that cannot be broken until you are honest with the whole world. 

As I moved from dishonesty to truth, the most important phrase became, "I got your back." That phrase had to be echoed, not only by my friends, but by me as well. I had to believe in my heart of hearts I was making the right decision about openly discussing my sexuality. I also had to reach a level of trust with my friends. Over and over, they affirmed the words I needed to hear, "I got your back." 

They will never understand the true weight of their words. The cause of my life found strength and solace in those words. They were profound beyond a meaning I can properly express. 

My hope now is they will stick to those words. I don't stand a chance if those words fall on deaf ears. Not a chance in the world. 

Thanks for entering my world, 

-Nathan