Journal: February 2014 

Some opening thoughts...

"Some people look to God or loved ones to ascertain meaning from the trials, tribulations, successes and joys we experience as part of the human condition. I have not been afforded that faith or that strong of an inner circle. So, I center myself, as a part of my spirituality, on these moments. I try to give them the proper respect they deserve. They are my lessons. They help guide me; hopefully into a direction of a deeply satisfied, loving and caring person."

"Does there come a time when a person must accept being alone as a fact and then prepare themselves for a life different than most every person they know?"

Love is a battlefield. It is a phrase we've all heard. It is full of extreme highs and life altering lows. Knowing this, within us is this innate desire to partner and take on the world together.

For some of us, the pressure of society pulls us into the battle early. Others, like me, patiently wait on the sideline. We do so, because we are cognizant of a simple fact: human experiences are best shared.

The wait isn't easy. It is arduous, to say the least. It is filled with a range of emotions. On the positive side, you experience: independence, pride, accomplishment, maneuverability, strength and much more. On the negative side, you experience: depression, envy, sadness, despair, temptation and much more.

This is a war being waged on the sidelines. This war is a pilgrimage of perseverance. You must continually center yourself and take stock of the moment. At times, you will be your own worst enemy. You must also learn to be your best friend.

The two opening quotes are my own. Both, were thoughts that lingered on my mind for weeks after an unexpected end to a relationship. I am proof the war is never easily won. The loneliness will not define me, though. A part of my pilgrimage is turning it into a strength. My love is a gift and I bring it wherever I go.

I also refuse to become cynical. It is my least favorite human quality. I also know in my heart of hearts I will find someone who won't make me apologize for being head over heels in love. Someone who won't make me apologize for being their biggest fan. Someone who won't make me apologize for wanting to have their back during the highs and lows. Until then, this pilgrim must persevere.

Thanks for entering my world,

-Nathan